An Open Letter to Oscar: Why This Year’s Academy Awards Worry Me

28 01 2010

Dearest Oscar,

I love your show. Been a big fan for years now. We have some good (and bad) memories together. Remember when Million Dollar Baby won? Yeah, that was awesome! Remember when No Country For Old Men won? Yeah, not so awesome. Anyway, I’m writing you this letter because I feel like we have a sort of friendship…or at least a one-sided acquaintanceship.

Frankly, I’m worried about you.

I know you’ve been feeling out of touch lately. Your ratings haven’t been that great the last few years, especially when you went on that crazy “let’s-award-all-the-movies-no-one-has-heard-of” bender. Last year wasn’t so bad, though. But don’t get carried away. You’re already making me nervous with the whole “10 Best Picture Nominees.” Did you really need to double it? I know you’re probably thinking, “Double your pleasure, double your fun,” but I have a feeling that phrase refers more to hookers than best picture nominees.

I know the Globes really tried to get “hip” this year. They gave Avatar a bunch of awards. Sure, Avatar deserves some awards, but you have to wonder if they were playing to the masses a bit too much. Don’t sell yourself out like the Globes, Oscar. You’re better than that. You’re more than a Golden Globe. You’re a naked, gold man with a sword.

Here’s my advice:

  1. Remember, James Cameron’s mullet can’t hurt you. Don’t feel pressured into giving every award to Avatar. Sure, you’ll trend better on Twitter and make a bunch of fanboys happy, but there’s no reason to cave to peer pressure.
  2. Don’t let the show turn into a circus. Why would I think this? Maybe because your producer, Adam Shankman, said, “I’m a little bit more of the P.T. Barnum energy.” Um, dance numbers are fun, but the last thing we need is a tent and some clowns…or a Britney Spears music video. Sure, sparkles=ratings, but you’re classier than that.
  3. Don’t forget who you’re real friends are. I know you want to appeal to a wider audience, but do you really want to be friends with people who post Facebook pictures of themselves binge-drinking at house parties? What I mean is, this isn’t high school. You don’t have to pander to the jocks and cheerleaders anymore. You don’t need to give all the awards to the popular movies just for people to like you. You’re true friends will be with you till the end…as long as you don’t eff up.

In conclusion, I have high hopes for this year’s award show. But please, for my own peace of mind, heed my advice.

Yours Truly,

Dustin

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